The Dangers of Love

There are a number of pop songs I could quote here- all about how it hurts, scars, leaving us standing heartache to heartache, rolling in the deep.
But I'm sick of hearing Adele and  besides, we aren't talking about the same thing.

Love isn't dangerous because it hurts, it's dangerous because it feels right and infallible.

A better quote is one that I will overuse for what I'm sure will not be the last time:
"There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him. And the higher and mightier it is in the natural order, the more demoniac it will be if it rebels. It’s not out of bad mice or bad fleas you make demons, but out of bad archangels."- C.S. Lewis

Having just moved back to Illinois from Massachusetts but to a new area, a new job, I found myself feeling guilty for all I'd left behind in Massachusetts. There were just so many people I had come to love so dearly there- relationships formed from interesting and uncommon situations that formed uncommon bonds. Feelings close to those of parenthood and perhaps the kind you form with army buddies. Regardless, this is the kind of love that moves in and becomes a part of you- it changes you for good, in every sense of the word.

Everytime I move somewhere new I go through a period of bratiness "this isn't like it was in __(insert name of previous place I was here)__ it's stupid." This time wasn't necessarily that way. I have been feeling very appreciative of all the people I've met here who have been so friendly and supportive. It's nice being close to old friends and family, too. But the circumstances are different and attachments won't form in the same ways and perhaps not as intensely as they did in the odd circumstances I found myself in in Massachusetts. I had been back in IL almost a month when I realized I was still mourning goodbyes. Mostly, I was mourning the loss of students I really said goodbye to 6 months ago. I found myself unable to make proper attachments to people in my new life or appreciate my students as much as I should. I argued back and forth with myself about this.
I loved my old students so much- that must mean something good. What could be wrong with that? So I dwelt upon it, thinking it had to mean something. Was something wrong with my new life situation? Was it wrong of my to leave them? No, there was nothing left for me there, my career couldn't expand further and I had friends and family here I felt the need to be closer to. No, God called me to leave some of those relationships behind. Why then, did I still feel this way? Love always seems to be so good, what could be wrong with loving them so much?
Well, obviously something was wrong because it was preventing me from loving others the way I should, preventing me from forming attachments. It was holding me captive. That, to me, sounds like an idol.
In fact, it sounds like a woman C.S. Lewis describes who loved her son so much that when she lost him, she grieved him, thinking to let go of loving him so intensely would be wrong. In the end, she alienated the rest of her family and did more damage in the process. Worst of all, she came to want her son more than God and cared more about heaven to see her son than to see God. This, is not the definition of heaven. And, while this may be "love" in the emotive form, it is not Love with a capital L, the kind that is good because it directs itself to God, the source and definition of Love, the Spirit that makes it so much more, and thus much more powerful, than an emotion.

Think of how many stories you hear about friendships, family relationships thrown away or hurt in the name of love, people murdered in the name of "love." Love can be a wonderful thing, but what are we using it as an excuse for?

Love is dangerous because it is higher in the order of emotions and really, higher in the order of most everything else on this earth.  Love is dangerous because it can feel so good and right because, in many cases, it is. But it, like anything on earth that is not turned toward God, can be used for darkness and the more powerful it is, the more dangerous.

Love is dangerous because we often think it to be the end all be all. But the truth is that although God is love (along with many other things), love is not God.


The pop songs are right to a degree, love may be a battlefield, but it is also weapon. The question is, is it being yielded for good or for evil?

What Grace Feels Like

At a church retreat this weekend another member and I sat in the dining hall discussing the primary notion of the book, What's So Amazing About Grace (Phillip Yancy). "What is so great about Grace?" I asked. He mentioned some points that weren't new to me, but nonetheless true and relevant. I agreed with them but it didn't matter. "Well I know all that," I said "but I'm just tired of hearing about Grace. Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace, Grace. It's so overused that I take it for granted. I can barely remember what it felt like not to have Grace, being a person who grew up in the church and heard about it all the time. I only remember a period when I fell away from God and the difference from that period of time to when I really came into my faith for the first time. But how long can you hang onto that? I don't know what it's like not to have it so I just can't feel it."
He had remarked that I seemed to be a person who was pretty in tune with Grace. "well, I don't feel it," I said, "at least not today."

Three years ago I had just taken my first teaching job and was working with high school aged young ladies with autism. I remember swimming in our pool one day with one of them. She loved being chased in the water and her eyes sparkled in this remarkable way as she laughed heartily and infectiously. We swam in the deep end and the sunlight fell upon the water through a skylight so that the pool just appeared to be a light-filled, warm, moving body. I remember thinking then, "life just doesn't get better than this." It was then that I became convinced that heaven must be made up of sparkling pools of light and children's laughter.

Grace, Grace, Grace. What is Grace, anyway? I always think back to my basic religions class in college where my professor explained the difference between Grace and Mercy. Mercy is not getting the bad you do deserve, Grace is getting the good (or favor) you don't deserve. When we're speaking of it in Christian circles we're usually using the word to refer to a specific kind of Grace- the salvation we receive that we don't deserve through Jesus' death on the Cross. This is what I can't always feel. I wasn't there, I didn't see it- I didn't know a world where Jesus hadn't yet died for my sins. I was raised within the idea of salvation, within a world of Grace. Jesus' death to forgive my sins seems so removed and abstract sometimes- I don't feel how it impacts my daily life. Sure He makes me free, but when you're basically born into freedom and live in it everyday, how to you conceptualize it or even know what freedom is since you've barely known jail?

Heaven filled with children's laughter- that notion isn't quite biblically supported, I know. I remember talking about this to a friend of mine. Moreover, I remember considering whether my love for children and my passion to work with them had become an idol. I view it as a calling and my work with children has been tied to my faith so long that I wondered if perhaps I had confused them- had they become interchangeable to me when in reality, God and children are not the same thing? If God asked me to give up teaching, give up working with children, would I? I think, in fact, I know the answer is yes, although my friend posed this question: "If there aren't children in heaven, are you interested in going?"  I thought back to the pools of light, the laughter I felt convinced had to be there because it was the greatest blessing I'd ever known. "Here's the thing," I answered (At this, my friend laughed because apparently, this is supposed to be an easy "yes" or "no" question) "anything truly good is God. All the good things that I love in the world, I love because I love God- He can be found in it. So all the parts of the things that I love will be there in heaven- even if they don't resemble the things I know now."

It's three years later and some things have changed. I no longer work with teenage girls and the student of whom I spoke has been gone from our school for some time now. Today I threw a giggling elementary aged boy up into the air, as he came crashing down into the water splashing and then jumping on top of me, wanting me to hold him and bounce him I thought, as I had about my girls not so long ago, "this is the greatest blessing I've ever been given." Quickly, I chastised myself, "no, that's not right- I'm not supposed to believe this is better than the Grace I've been given by Jesus" although, I couldn't feel that above the love and complete and total blessing I felt in this moment. Perhaps this love of children was an idol, perhaps I didn't appreciate God's Grace at all. My student looked at me adoringly with his big onyx orbs, laughing so joyfully in the water, the boy that once couldn't even enter a pool area. It was then I knew that all of these things were the same. Grace- when we are given the blessings we don't deserve. As sinners, what are we deserving of? Every blessing- every smile, every laugh, every moment of friendship, every glimpse of beauty, every piece of blue sky, ever sliver of light is a bit of Grace. And every bit of it we only have access to because of the freedom we have in Christ, because we have a forgiving God who wants to know us and love us (whether we've accepted Him or not) and writes love letters to all of  us each day, hoping we'll fall in love and start coming home. Because of the Grace I've known for years but think I can't feel- the Grace I have from Jesus' dying on the cross to overcome darkness, I get the Grace I know every second, every day- the little bits of light I catch because Someone let them loose into an otherwise dark and broken world.

I know heaven must be filled with children's laughter, at the very least in a new form, because I know heaven is filled with Grace- in fact, it's made up of it.

The Most Important Thing

Here is the thing. I hate words. I love them and yet, I hate their limitations. Or is it my limitations in their use? Perhaps it's just because I speak English and need to speak a more expressive or precise language. Maybe I should learn ancient Greek. That probably wouldn't help much but at least there are multiple, more precise words for different types of love. That would help some, right?

Here is the problem I have with words: They can never express the wonder and awe and love I feel for the amazing web of humanity I see continually falling out before me. This and related topics are generally the areas where I feel words fail me most. I can never express to people how much I care about them, how much they've meant to me or express just the beauty of the human situations I find myself in. Perhaps I should be blaming my own capacity of expression rather than the capacity of words themselves

Here is the thing about people: I love them.

Here is the thing about people: they are inherently (at least in this phase of our eternity given our fallen world) compelled toward darkness- things that destroy them and destroy others. We hear Christian doctrine preached all the time about the depravity of man. How we are these sinful creatures who can do nothing without God. I have friends who say they see God's goodness and how people turn from it, how they turn away from Him and thus from their potential. People are frustrating. I could not agree more. Sometimes I just want to collapse on the floor as I helplessly watch people cripple themselves in turning away from God. Sometimes, I collapse on the floor because I just can't stop crippling myself or other people. But Someone always seems to help me up again.

But here is the thing about people: More than I see what I wrote above, I see the most beautiful things I have ever beheld come from them and within them (that I can only assume come from the Spirit within them). I see so much pure love and joy and selflessness. I watch children laugh uncontrollably and I'd swear all darkness must have disappeared from the face of the earth. I've experienced communities of people who will walk through fire for one another, I've seen complete strangers connect in remarkable ways, I've had people I never met come to my aid. Here is the thing about words in describing this vital concept: they fail me.

Despite our great capacity for darkness, God shines through it when some bright, light goodness breaks forth- it is these moments that I think we cherish most in life- the ones where this goodness, this light shines. It is in these moments that humanity shows who it was meant to be. It is in these moments that we remember that darkness in the end, does not win.

The important thing to remember about all of this is that it's mediated through people.
I think at times, because of the fallen world we live in and the sin that runs rampant in every one of us, we operate with a continually negative view of humanity. We devalue the spirits around us that are immortal even if the bodies that hold them will pass away. Even if the world that holds them will pass away. Because really, the only thing in your life right now that will not die (aside from God), are the Spirits of those around you.

C.S. Lewis says it best"
“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously - no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.”


So whatever it is that we are doing here, whether it be the work we do, the hobbies we have, the civilization we perpetuate with our existence- we must remember that it is the relationships we make, the people we pass by every day that last in one way or another. Knowing, loving, relating to one another- this is what we are doing here, this is the most important thing.

Easter: Love Wins

You may have heard of a book by this title written by an interesting fellow named Rob Bell. This post is not about that book, although it is on similar topic. I suspect, however, that Mr. Bell and I will be making somewhat different points.
"Love wins" is a very popular notion. Like Love Wins the book, lots of books with this theme in them have become bestsellers. Harry Potter, Twilight (although real Love doesn't win in this case because Ms. Meyer is confused about what Love is but she convinces her readers that it's love (and perhaps it is indeed, lowercase-l kind of love) and therefore it appears that love wins), etc. etc. Unlike Love Wins, however, these books are popular because people enjoy them rather than purchase them for the purpose of analyzing and mocking them. Not only books but movies, and any other media or form of story that portrays the theme of "love wins" tend to be very popular. There is a reason for this: it is because this is the root of what our hearts long for, this is the summation of the plan for the world. But, I have news for you: all these books and movies that you love so much- they STOLE their primary premise, their main theme.
Maybe stole is a harsh word. I'm just being hyperbolic. They were influenced, whether they realize it or not, to incorporate into their story the theme that originated from the greatest story ever told.

Let me tell you a little bit about it:
There were some ordinary guys walking around doing their usual jobs and being "normal" people. You know, traveling along the roads to work, cheating people out of money, ignoring people in need, lying, the average stuff we do every day. They had families- wives, children, brothers, sisters, large extended families. But something is missing. You know what I mean- there's that longing for Something more, Something better. Then one day, this dude comes along and proves Himself (through miracles and explaining He is the answer to some prophesies, longtime religious/spiritual longings, and complicated theological issues) to be that Something, more like Someone who fills that longing. In fact, He is so great that He overcomes all those dark every day things that turned out to define and limit those poor ordinary guys (of course, they didn't really realize this until He came along).
Suddenly, things that seemed hopeless to these normal guys seem hopeful. Suddenly, He is the greatest hope of their lives so they leave everything- their families, their lives- and follow Him. But then He dies. In fact, all the powers of darkness that reside in humans- the very dark sorts of deeds that these ordinary guys once engaged in every day, kill him. Maybe this Great Hope was not above them- those dark forces, all those limitations- after all.

Crap.

Let me put this another way:
Have you ever had something come along that you put all your hope in? If not, perhaps something you put much of your hope for some part of your life in? Maybe it was the promise of money you desperately needed to solve a financial crisis, a job that seemed to be the answer to finding meaningful work or needed financial stability. Perhaps it was a relationship with another person, even children? Something that made you hope again that things would be ok, that your life was no longer meaningless. So you count on it, you put all your hope in it, put all your "eggs in one basket" so to speak (commence knee slapping laughter since it's Easter) and perhaps abandon other things in pursuit of this hope- perhaps you could even call it a dream and then you could as old Langston what happens to a dream if it is deferred.

But then, this world steps in as it always seems to do. Various circumstances, perhaps reckless or harmful actions of others, and, dare I say, the forces of darkness in general, kill it, take it away. The thing you hoped most for, that you relied upon is dead and it seems as though it ceases to exist. What do you do now?
I feel like I would respond with complete desolation accompanied by an angry, "of course! This is just like the world! Nothing can ever go right!"And I would be correct, it is just like the world (the world influenced by darkness at least) to attempt to destroy any hope we have, to eradicate goodness from it.

So, imagine being in this hopeless state- you have just begun to convince yourself that darkness may have won this time and then...
circumstances arise in which your hope returns- stronger than ever because it could not be beaten and thereby proving that it is, in fact, the real deal- something worthy of investing your hope in.

And this is how it was with these ordinary guys who placed all their hope in Christ and His message. For a hot second they may have felt like utter fools. They gave up everything for this dude because they thought he was right- the real deal, THE Dude. But then, this Dude they followed who claimed he was the Son of God, the King of this world, who would bring eternal life had just been killed by a bunch of mere mortals. Well, there goes that...
Even more disconcerting, some of those involved in sentencing  Him to death considered themselves men of God, some may have been people these ordinary guys knew. Worse  yet, some of these ordinary guys themselves were too cowardly to even stand up for their greatest Hope when faced with the task. We're dealing with sheer darkness influencing men here- sheer darkness took down the Greatest Hope of men.

"Where is your King now?" could have been the taunt our ordinary guys would have received. "Where is your hope now?"
And just when we start to think that maybe the darkness did win after all, in the ultimate twist, He returns! And BAM! Love (God- because God is love and Jesus is God/Jesus' actions are the stuff of sheer love) wins! Proving that He is above the powers of darkness- nothing, no matter how evil can take Him down. Nothing can kill our Hope because when it is in  Him, it is immortal.
Think about this- you can have a Hope that can NOT die. That, my friends is a powerful thing. Even more powerful is the notion that we love so much when told in other stories and books but often ignore when we hear it in THE Book: The light shines in the darkness and the darkness CAN NOT overcome it. Love, my dear friends, wins.

How nerds choose security lines at the airport

You know you have problems when you start seeing graphs out of people. While recently at the airport I was faced with the ever-tricky decision: which line to choose at security. At this point we're only lining up to have the officer look at our IDs/boarding passes and there are about 5 counters with security guards to choose from. However, it's often hard to tell how long the line really is as people are standing in odd positions/compacted together so sometimes a line that looks shorter has more people. Plus, when facing the crowd of people in lines head on, it's hard to tell from that angle which is the shortest. Fortunately for me, behavioral principles verified my visual approximations leading to a very short trip through security.

I warn you, what follows probably isn't disseminated into normal human language very well (I need to get better at this) so just follow what you can. Also, the theological aspect of this blog that will be in most other posts is missing- I just had to share this nugget of nerdiness. 

Here's the nerdy part: The airport also has signs up indicating what type of traveler should go where, which I generally appreciate. The far left line says something like "family and unfamiliar travelers" and the rest of the lines say "casual traveler." At first I was inclined to the line at the far right. I believe this was for two-reasons, first because that line has a history of being paired with a sign that says "experienced travelers" (although it wasn't today) and even though that line has never been particularly faster to reinforce the behavior of going in it, there's some conditioned reinforcement going on in terms of verbal behavior simply because the sign says "experienced travelers" (I expect it to move faster and even if it didn't in the past, it seems likely that it could move faster than the other lines in the future). The other reason was that it was as far away from the "family" line as possible. In stimulus-discrimination/generalization gradients (graphs that show organisms' responses to a continuum of similar stimuli), when a certain stimulus- say the color blue or the family line was placed on extinction (the reinforcer of quick movement through a line or perhaps food was not provided- in the line case you could even say punished) organisms responded higher at the opposite end of the spectrum- far away from the extinguished stimulus even if a reinforcer was provided at a stimulus in the middle. So, on a continuum of color going from blue to green to yellow- blue being the stimulus that was extinguished (family line), green being the stimulus that was reinforced (not totally applicable in the line scenario) and yellow being the stimulus furthest from blue with no special consequence (the line furthest to the right where the "experienced traveler sign used to be), the highest responding was not at the green stimulus like you'd expect but leaning closer to the yellow (or the line furthest to the right that I was inclined to choose).

Thus, I presumed that other people, given their probable history with the experienced traveler sign and also inclination to avoid punishing stimuli or at least extinction (the family line) would line up further away from it. Thus, the shortest line would likely be the line that was still "casual traveler" but right next to the family line. Although the lines of people formed more of a bar graph, if you drew a line from the last person in each line and connected them, I swear you'd see something like the generalization gradient I described (although slightly different because you don't have a reinforced stimulus in the middle- had the experienced traveler sign been in the middle previously rather than to the far right, you would perhaps have seen a truer generalization gradient). I would have given you graphs for all of this but they're kind of complicated and ugly and I almost feel like they would lead to more confusion without a ton of annoying background explanation.

Long story short- even obscure behavioral principles can be seen in real life and, when choosing a line at the airport, the one next to the family line might be quickest. Of course, there are other variables involved on any given day so use your discretion.